“For one million dollars, is that your final answer?”
Music and audience voices combine into a blast of noise that almost masks the drumming of my heart. Am I right? Do I trust my memory of high school history or should I use a lifeline to confirm the answer?
“I, I … I need to pee.”
Huh?
The brilliant lights, noisy people and uncomfortable studio chairs vanish. I am in bed with a pressing urge to hurry to the bathroom. Damn! This is the second time tonight; I wake needing to empty my bladder. I know not to drink anything after dinner and still each evening, I swig ice tea until bedtime and a few hours later, I get to berate myself for another night of interrupted sleep.
Over the years, I have gathered vast knowledge regarding my body. I know that drinking fluids in the evening will result in midnight visits to the porcelain throne. It does not matter what type of beverage I sip, any liquid has the same effect.
I also know that eating food spiced with more than a pinch of salt will hatch a sea urchin in my stomach to undulate through my intestines. The creature’s journey causes heartburn, indigestion and frequent stabbing pains.

Maybe I need a checkup. Frequent urination, irritable bowels and pain can indicate a serious health condition. I would look up the symptoms on the internet, but the variety of diseases they match would overwhelm me and keep me awake. At 56, I need my beauty sleep.
Bahahahahahahah!!! I'd laugh harder but we know how that usually turns out, wet pants! I could have written every word of this, but you did, and I love you for it!
ReplyDeleteHey I'm not 56 but I too have the symptoms. OMG I'm old????
ReplyDeleteExcellent! Very clever, precise vocabulary, universal premise. It’s an excellent short essay. Well done!
ReplyDeletePrudy
Prudy Taylor Board
Fantastic Teri!! I find that I am waiting for the next addition.............Kevin
ReplyDelete